WELLNESS OR FITNESS? Let's not quibble

Wellness is generally taken to mean a healthy balance between your physical, mental, and emotional state. Fitness commonly refers to your physical condition and is related to exercise and activity. One can be reasonably healthy, meaning disease free, but not in very good condition. One can be in good physical condition, perhaps sufficient to run a marathon or climb a mountain, but not be in good health. The runner Jim Fixx comes to mind. For the purposes of this blog, let’s just let the line between wellness and fitness remain a little fuzzy so as not to define the terms too narrowly. My intent in creating this blog was to provide clearly written articles on various aspects of wellness, to include from time to time some exercise or other activity that might contribute to fitness, and to create a platform for comments from readers who want to contribute their own experiences or studies or discoveries that might benefit us all.

I believe that when I feel “well” I do not feel fatigued or in pain or stressed out. If that’s somewhat close to what you mean when you say you are feeling well, then we are on the same page and I do hope you will contribute your input here. Feeling well is a difficult thing to attain and sustain. We all have certain stresses we face daily, from the jarring sound of the alarm clock to the jumble of traffic on the roads to the noise and light pollution that seems to permeate our space. In addition, we have multiple interactions with other folks who are dealing with their own stresses, and we can’t always be sure what their mental or emotional state might be. So, at least for myself, I don’t believe that wellness is a destination I will reach in this lifetime, at least not for a sustainable period of time. It is a journey, and a worthwhile one. And frankly, most of the time I am far happier with my life than I probably deserve to be. I have a thorn to deal with as far as my health is concerned, but I feel pretty well nevertheless. To achieve and sustain a state of wellness requires that we consciously learn how to keep our lives in balance, like a tightrope walker working without a net. Imbalance leads to trouble, maybe even disaster.
Now, the tightrope walker got up there voluntarily (I hope), but you and I are going to do this balancing act whether we want to or not. How well we do it depends first upon whether we see the need to keep in balance. Unfortunately, if we get out of balance without realizing it, we may not be able to resolve our problems without outside help.

This may sound overly simplistic to you, or to a mental health professional, but it works for me. I believe that, as Roger Miller said, “You can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.” For the most part, barring some sort of chemical imbalances in our brain, we can be happy if we choose to be. In my experience, most of the time the people who were angry, depressed, disappointed, upset, enraged, all got that way the same way that the happy, pleasant, calm folks did. They decided to be. You see, when someone says or does something to you or in your presence, it may or may not be directed at you. Either way, it is their issue, not yours. Before you make it yours, you have the right, and the ability, and perhaps the obligation to yourself, to decide how you will react to it. Here’s an illustration. My friend Jorg says to his wife Kati, “Oh, your mother is coming to visit again!” What Jorg actually says may not be exactly what Kati hears. He may mean that he is happy to hear that his mother-in-law is coming to visit because she is so pleasant to be around, and she bakes things for him to enjoy. Kati may hear that Jorg is upset that her mother is coming for a visit again so soon. She was just here a few months ago. Can’t she find someone else to bother? Jorg might be able to prevent misunderstanding but being very careful where he puts the emphasis or inflection, but Kati also plays a role in how this communication turns out, doesn’t she? She can think about how well Jorg and her mother get along and assume the best. Or she can blow up at him for complaining about her mother’s visit. And there are many other possible interpretations as well. These are real people and I think I know what Jorg meant, but the point is that EVERY interaction is full of possibilities. Fortunately, Kati tends to choose to be happy and pleasant, so Jorg is in good hands.

Many people tend to automatically blame how they feel on someone else, rather than accept their own responsibility. I told my children often that they cannot blame each other for how they feel. “I did it because she made me mad!!!” No, you got mad because you decided that was how you wanted to react, but it was YOUR choice. Next time, make a better choice. Now you are in trouble with me.

To me, teaching children how to make better choices would be a wise thing for a parent to work on. One way is for the parent to also be careful about how they choose to react.
Teach by example. If your child sees and hears you screaming at someone in traffic because they inconvenienced you in some way, that’s a teaching opportunity wasted. But make no mistake, the child did learn something, and they are likely to repeat the behavior.

Your comments are welcome. Please visit my other blog at http://thenew50.blogspot.com/ directed to baby boomers like me.